We live in a world where the pursuit of comfort seems natural, even desirable. But comfort, especially in the work environment, is often a fiction and, in many cases, a trap. This essay will explore the myth of the comfortable work environment, why we so eagerly seek comfort, and what we can do about it so that comfort does not impede progress and success.
For most work environments, comfort is an illusion
In today’s fast-paced, ever-evolving world, the notion of a stable and comfortable work environment is an illusion. Rapid technological changes, economic fluctuations, and global uncertainties mean that seeking comfort and stability in your job is increasingly unrealistic. The Bureau of Labor Statistics notes that baby boomers held an average of 12.7 jobs by the time they reached their mid-50s, and Millennials and Gen Z are even more likely to switch careers and employers. Those of us seeking job security have faced disappointment amid economic upheaval, post-COVID transformations, and the rise of AI. The reality is clear: the days of long-term employment leading to retirement with a company pension are long gone.
So why do we seek comfort?
At first glance, seeking comfort in the workplace may seem like a way to reduce stress, but there’s often a deeper psychological drive at play. For many, the pursuit of comfort is rooted in insecurity and a desire to avoid triggering unresolved emotional pain.
Our experiences—whether from unstable childhoods, trauma, or loss—shape our desire for security. Nearly half of us come from broken households, and too many of us have lived through a terribly unstable childhood. We can all likely relate to one or multiple traumatic events from childhood or adulthood that have indelibly shaped our character. Many of us are migrants and have experienced uprooting from everything that is familiar. Death of one or more loved ones have left indelible scars. Even if you have been blessed with a sheltered life, we all just lived through a global pandemic that made us fear for our lives and was the source of many irrational fears, totally upending our sense of safety and predictability.
It’s important to recognize that these feelings are natural, totally legitimate, and part and parcel of life. Our focus today is to understand that these feelings need not rule over us and need not control our professional lives.
What Are Our Triggers?
Speaking from personal experience, I know how easy it is to be controlled by unconscious fears. Growing up in a strict Asian upbringing, I developed a tendency toward anger when things didn’t go my way. This anger often spiraled into rage when triggered by seemingly minor events. During my teen years, minor triggers could elicit a disproportionate rage focused on the poor outcome tinged with deep regrets and self-anger against myself and why I wasn’t better prepared. To some degree, I felt trapped by my own feelings – almost phobic of my own rage and the embarrassment that brought to me and my family.
I was unable to properly articulate these feelings or this thought process. I wasn’t even that aware of my own self-anger. Those who dared to pacify me or give me feedback felt my wrath, especially my immediate family. The precise moment when I was most influenced by irrational feelings is also when I was least cognizant of this influence.
Thus, I sought to avoid circumstances where I could encounter these triggers. I pursued comfort and avoided situations where I might lose control. There were times at work which required some degree of confrontation, and I would deliberately restrain myself from speaking, even when we were heading towards a wrong direction. But the avoidance only delayed the inevitable confrontation with those emotions.
I’ve seen many other triggers – such as change in circumstances, time pressures, performance requirements, public speaking, and even intimacy or required vulnerability – that can bring deep-seated memories and feelings back to the surface. Do any of these resonate with you?
How Can We Respond?
Our conscious nor unconscious fears associated with change need not control us. I dare say that most of us can remember when you faced radical change in a work setting and it caused an uncontrollable, visceral reaction – maybe the blood drains from your face as you feel a dread deep in your gut, or you quickly develop a fury that could lead to an explosion. As we mature, we may get better at coping with these feelings, but for many of us they will never go away. This is a recognition that we can focus less on the feelings and more around how we can respond.
Some of us can cope with an avoidance strategy, but our fears of change often result in a ceiling in our career trajectory or cause impediments in a work setting that are distracting, unsettling or even destabilizing. We need to face these fears in order to address them. We have to heal the open wounds and turn them into scars that are more resilient. Therefore, I suggest avoidance is not the strategy. Seeking comfort will delay the inevitable. We have to tackle the underlying issues such that we are no longer being controlled by our fears.
I have no panacea for you in this regard – I’m sure that each of us requires a very thoughtful, customized solution. For my own issue with rage, I eventually developed insight that my anger was self-directed and arose from underlying feelings of inadequacy (related to my previous article on imposter syndrome). Ultimately, I realized my feelings fundamentally stemmed from feelings of inadequacy. Nonsensically, my psyche assumed that I needed to excel and thrive in order to be loved. As I matured, I realized that I was loved by my friends, family, and my God, despite my imperfections and my inadequacies. That also allowed me to love myself. And thus, the anger started to dissipate.
As such, what worked for me involved:
- Recognition that sometimes our pursuit of comfort is driven by conscious or unconscious fears
- Recognition that these fears may be impeding our work more than we realize
- Identification of what our triggers are
- Facing these triggers in a controlled setting, leading to affirming experiences that demonstrate you are not controlled by these fears
- Perhaps with professional help or aid from loved ones, fundamentally address the underlying fears
So, hopefully you can see that sometimes our motivation to seek comfort may be driven by much more serious, fundamental issues. And these issues are worth facing. I look forward to sharing the next highly related topic: finding satisfaction in excellence.